My heart broke when I recently heard my friend say she was staying in a toxic and unhappy relationship because she was “so financially tied to him” she “didn’t have a choice.” I was saddened because she felt she had already weighed the pros and cons and wanted to get out, but she felt she had no choice. She was making a conscious choice to be a victim and to not believe in herself that if she left she would be able to support and provide for herself financially. Can you see the self-imposed bondage she is living in?
This article is not to debate the religious world-views of whether or not divorce is considered a sin and is right or wrong. Personally I believe that God wants all of us to experience joy and freedom and love, and if we need to remove ourselves of oppressive situations, I feel that is the liberating and self-loving choice we should make.
The question I’m posing is are you willing to look at yourself through a new perspective to examine if you are in toxic environments that are not helpful physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually for you?
Unfortunately many of us are surrounded by multiple toxic influences on a daily basis, both intentionally and not.
What is the harm of staying around toxic influences?
Whether we choose to admit it or not, these negative energies eat away at the freedom and joy of our Spirit little by little each day. They infiltrate our mind into believing lies about our true value, our self-worth, our abilities and our attainment and worthiness of love and freedom.
They tell us we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not strong enough, not capable enough, not worthy enough, not loveable enough. They stifle our true gifts, passions, callings and talents to a place that doesn’t even recognize them or even believe they exist any more.
They erode and kill your joy.
May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13
How can you know if something or someone is toxic for you?
Examine your feelings – Do you feel a sense of happiness, comfort, love, safety and joy in that situation or around that person? Or do you feel fearful, uneasy, tense, depressed or a whole host of other negative emotions?
>> Our emotions are the best indicator of how our soul feels.
Your soul is alive inside of you and holds the keys to your true purpose, passion and value of who you are and were fully created to be.
After awhile of shunning our soul’s callings and stuffing them down because we don’t think (or we’ve been told) they’re not of value or worth, we begin to get numb to their call. But our emotions give us clues.
How to tap into who you really are. Into what brings you joy and fulfillment.
- I encourage you to make a list of what your soul is calling you to do, be or experience. What are the deeper callings, pursuits, passions, interests, gifts and talents that are unique to you. Not what you think are acceptable or socially appropriate choices. Take any limitations off as you do this activity. See what comes out from the inside. This is your Soul List.
- Next look over this list and write as many things or people that you’re involved with that meet the criteria of exploring, supporting or furthering these things.
- Now write a list of things or people you’re involved with that lead you away from pursuing, living or experiencing items on your Soul List.
Next comes the hard part.
The awareness has now been created. So what are you going to do about it?
It’s once our eyes are opened that we need to make a change, we now have to grapple with what that means. Do we need to exit a relationship? Do we need to change jobs? Do we need to stop participating in a certain social scene or group? Do we need to add or create ways to pursue our dreams? Do we need to take further action to support our health and vitality? If so, what, when, how, where?
Write down the action items that come to mind and start putting them into place as soon as possible!
But I’ll warn you, this is where fear sets in with it’s goal of keeping you in bondage. But don’t give into it. There is FREEDOM on the other side!
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1
Do you realize that once your eyes have been opened and you have allowed your Spirit to find it’s voice again, you then have the choice of freedom or continued slavery and bondage.
Your soul craves freedom and was designed to help you live a beautiful and exciting joy-filled life because it’s expressing who you really are! Do not let the lies, oppression or influence of others dictate who God made you to be.
I pray today that you will step forward in faith, moving in the direction of freedom, even one step at a time, to liberate your soul and let your light shine.
Do not believe the lies that you cannot support yourself if you were to leave, that you do not have value to offer others, that you could not be helpful or of use to someone else, that you are not worthy or deserving of love by anyone else.
YOU have already been given the value, worth and love that the Creator of the Universe bestows upon you, simply because He has created you. Step into that beautiful light, past the fear, over the uncertainty, and towards the beauty, love and joy that God has waiting for you. I’m cheering you on.
~Dr. Melody
P.S. Although I’m not a psychologist, counselor or therapist, I believe in your ultimate good. I am a motivator, encourager and lover of all of God’s beauty and creation–and that includes you!
If you feel you’ve been in self-imposed bondage and you’re ready to end the struggle–ready to claim back your life of joy and beauty–I’ve opened up slots for 4, 6 and 8 weeks coaching packages so I can help be a guiding light to help you find your way. I believe in you and your unlimited potential.
Simply click here to claim an open slot for us to talk and explore how I can help and what options would be the best fit for you. You are loved.
#DrMelody #healthandhopemotivator #christcenteredcoaching #youreworthit
Sunday afternoon, shopping list in hand, errands needing to be done, time is quickly going by, gotta get out the door.
Get into my car…and it won’t start. Confusion.
Who do I call? AAA? My husband? Find a neighbor for a jump? Stress.
Finally ask a neighbor I’ve never met, but no jumper cables. Disappointment.
Ask another neighbor–success! Jump the car. But nothing. Frustration.
Amazingly my neighbor knew how to remove the battery and was generous enough to drive me to the auto parts store to get a new one.
We return home confident we have the answer, and I’m happy to only be an hour behind on running my errands. The end is in sight!
Replace the battery. Still no ignition. What??! Double frustration.
Guess I’ll have to call the tow company and get it towed first thing Monday morning. Added stress about unexpected expenses for a new battery and potentially hundreds of more dollars at the repair shop. Let alone I’ll have to rearrange my patients and appointments. Annoyed.
But as I sat back to replay the events of the day, what good would any of those negative emotions do me? Only add to my level of anxiety, stress, worry and doubt. Who does that serve? How does that make me more productive? It doesn’t. In fact, it detracts from my ability to think clearly, be thankful, to see the flip side and make the situation better in whatever ways are in my control.
I chose to very quickly get out of negative emotions and to problem solve.
If I couldn’t drive to the stores I wanted to, I was within quick walking distance of alternate stores to get the basics I needed. Realizing this was my best and only solution, I chose to enjoy the time on my walk because it gave me more one-on-one time with my thoughts, to talk to God and to use that time as an added bonus to my day, get some exercise and to raise my spirits.
If I had to rearrange tomorrow’s schedule and I had to move my patient appointments around, that actually gave me more free time to work on things I have not had time to attend to (such as writing this post and planning future offers and programs in my business).
If we had to spend extra money on car services what good would stressing over it be? I had no control over the outcome, the price or the time it would take, so no use worrying until I had concrete data to work with. And in the end, I could use the car expenses as a tax write-off for my business because I use my vehicle primarily for work.
Feeling good about the solutions I came up with and nothing more I can do. Off to bed.
So this morning, the plan ensues. Call the tow truck company and they’re estimated to take almost 90 minutes to get to me. Bummer, but nothing I can do about it. But I get a call within 10 minutes that they’ll be there in 15 minutes. Awesome! Already ahead of schedule.
As the tow truck man is loading up my car, he comments that a blinking light on my alarm system (which I never use) could indicate that the alarm is triggered and possibly disabling the car from starting. “But I haven’t use that alarm in over a year and I have no idea what the codes are!” I feel perplexed, but with a glimmer of hope.
Call the car dealership and ask how to reset the alarm. Follow the instructions and the car starts right up! Just as the tow truck was about to haul my car away, I’m able to get it restarted and no longer have to take it to the auto body shop for diagnostics. Hooray!
Therefore the only money we had to pay was for a new battery, and the insurance covers our use of the tow truck. I didn’t end up needing to cancel or reschedule any of my patients because all was said and done before 9am! And thanks to a willing and generous neighbor we were able to handle removing and replacing a new battery yesterday without paying anyone to do it for us.
So what good would any of my stress, frustration and anger have done anyone or anything?
All it would have done was consume my energy, thoughts and outlook on the rest of the day. Most likely leading to less restful sleep leaving me tired and groggy in the morning and already starting my day off on the wrong foot.
Here’s the point. When you choose to be THANKFUL for every situation, whether it’s perceived to be good or bad, you no longer rob yourself of joy and a sense of security.
The only part you’re in control of is your thoughts and emotions.
The sooner you can switch from negative to positive, you see the opportunities that were then created (i.e. my quiet time during my walk and the added bonus of getting more exercise) and you’re able to be thankful in all things (i.e. the fact that my neighbor so willingly helped me, that the tow truck came early, that I was able to troubleshoot the problem before going to the car repair shop, I didn’t have to cancel my patients etc.)
The next time you’re faced with a circumstance that you were not prepared for or you feel is an inconvenience to you, flip your perspective and wait to see what new opportunities arise from it. Keep yourself level-headed so you don’t suffer the unnecessary consequences of stress–all of which is being created and held in your mind.
You are the master and controller of your mind. Not the other way around. Take control of the things which are in your control. Not the things you’re allowing to steal your peace and that you cannot change.
~Dr. Melody
#healthandhopemotivator #christcenteredcoaching #youhavethepowertochoose
P.S. Thinking about the stresses and unpredictable nature of the holiday season, it can be the perfect storm for a whole miriad of negative emotions–they can be cause by many factors outside of your control. Christmas shopping, crowded malls, difficult family members, unmet expectations, too many obligations and the list goes on.
It’s in these more stressful times that having someone in your corner can do you the most good. A sounding board. A clear and calming voice. Someone to see the sides you cannot and who can help you navigate and be more in control.
Instead of turning to unhealthy food or poor coping mechanisms that do more harm than good, I’d like you to consider having your own personal coach. I’m opening additional slots for the next 8 weeks (Christmas is only 8 weeks from now!) and can help you with 1:1 coaching packages for 4, 6 or 8 weekly sessions to help you through this holiday season more smoothly and clear headed than you’ve been in years.
Email me at melody@fitplusfaith.com subject line: Holiday Coaching, and we can see which package is right for you. It’s better to start now to help us prepare for what’s ahead for you and to actually increase your joy this holiday season! Looking forward to a prosperous and beautiful holiday season. <3
Eek!! 2016 is almost here! If you’re anything like me, you’ve finally had your fill of the bon-bons and holiday cakes and it’s time to get to work!
New Year. New You.
I love the New Year! A fresh start. Clean slate. Moving on from mistakes or disappointments of 2015, and into new and promising horizons!
Have you chosen your 2016 word of the year yet? Ever done that??
Super easy but super powerful!
Think of an over-arching ONE WORD to describe what you want 2016 to be like for you.
Here’s a list of ideas just to get your gears turning (courtesy of myoneword.org)
See if any of these work for you, and if not, choose your own!
My word for 2016: Liberation.
You want it to be able to apply to all areas of your life, so take your time and choose wisely.
Let me know what you choose, or better yet, head over to my FB group, Worthy To Be Me, and share with us over there! Everyone’s been posting their words and it’s really cool to see what people are resonating with. 🙂
>> Now I promised in the subject line that you can look no further for how to shed that holiday weight. (And I’m right there with ya!)
I’m excited to share with you the launching of my new online program: Lose 10 Pounds in 30 Days…Or Less! I lay out exactly what, when and how to shed those holidays pounds, and then some!
If you’re interested, keep an eye out I’ll be doing a new post when the doors open TOMORROW, if not sooner! But you’ll be the first to know, and then you can gather up some friends to join us as well!
In the meantime, think about your 2016 WORD and share it with me. Can’t wait to hear!
Your sister in Christ,
~Dr. Melody
Doctor of Physical Therapy
Founder & CEO | Fit+Faith
P.S. Let me be the first to wish you a Happy New Year! Have fun and be safe however you end up celebrating tonight. 🙂
