We have so many coping mechanisms when we begin to be unhappy.
When we begin to lose what makes us happy, what makes us tick on the inside.
When we ultimately lose our joy.
We turn to food and/or alcohol, mind-numbing activities like binging on tv or video games, excessive shopping, unhealthy addictions, and personal degradation. We begin to just “exist”. So just go through the motions of life without anything that is truly fun to us. That makes us belly-laugh or cry tears of joy.
I’ve recently found myself in this place the past few months, and realized it was a gradual process over many years. And when I had been making enough headway with improvements in my own patterns, diet, and exercise, something was still missing.
Why could I not lose that final 10 pounds that I’d been working on for months, even years? Why could I not buckle down to be consistent in my eating and healthy routines? Why was I repeatedly self-sabotaging when I did begin to see changes?
Ultimately it was not a discipline or commitment factor, it was a joy-factor.
But how I could I get my joy, my spark, back? Where had it gone?
It was lost along the journey of being a business owner and juggling too many things. A to-do list that was never ending. Money crunches that were always looming. Stress that always present at some level.
So I had to go back to basics.
Really get to the heart of the matter, and even define who I was again. Was I solely defined by my business? By my brains? By my talent? Who did God see me as? Who did HE create me to be?
I knew in the earnest exploration of those questions that I would find myself again. I knew that there was no time like the present to set things straight, because tomorrow is not guaranteed.
So into my journal I dove. Pages upon pages and hours upon hours of reflection, expression, honesty, tears, cries of frustration and ultimately resolution.
When you can reconnect, even in the smallest way,to something that brings you even a hint of true joy to your soul, you have started the path to your healing.
In my case it was returning to what I like to do as a child. When I was not bogged down with “adult” responsibilities or self-imposed limits. And for me that is singing and dancing. Being creative in almost any form. Really flexing my creativity muscles, regardless of people’s opinions.
And literally the second I returned to these activities for my own pleasure and that of God’s, the joy returned. And oh, I was so desperate to feel even a drop! But the beauty about God’s joy is it satisfies you at a level nothing or no one ever could. It’s because you’re tapping into who your soul was created to do and be.
So how does this ultimately relate to changing the balance on the scale?
When we have true joy thriving inside, we are now engaged with things, people or circumstances that continue to foster that joy. When you are truly joy-ful, your cravings and your body’s urges to satisfy yourself with food or unhealthy coping strategies begins to decrease. And ultimately becomes non-existent.
But you have to do your part to reconnect to your joy! If and when you do, you will realize this is the natural response and progression. It’s not forced. You’re not just “extra disciplined.” The need is no longer there. Joy has taken it’s place. And a joyful heart and soul do not need self-soothing from any other source than God’s joy.
If you’ve lost your joy and feel that life has become “sub-par” or just “going through the motions”, I urge you to begin a deeper exploration. Try these strategies:
- Get into nature and have a heart-to-heart with God. Don’t hold anything back. He can handle it.
- Grab a journal and start letting everything that’s been bottled up have an outlet to release
- Think back to your childhood. What did you like to do? What was fun for you? What or where were some of your favorite past-times? How can you begin to reincorporate those elements into your adult life?
- Ask those close to you how they perceive you. What natural gifts and talents to they see you have. Thank them for their insight. Do not dismiss their observations. Take them to heart.
- Find some Bible studies about joy.
- Read Beth Moore’s book “Get Out of That Pit.”
As you begin reconnecting with yourself and reincorporating elements that bring you true joy into you life, things can change very fast! Don’t be surprised or afraid of this! You will have more clarity on your goals. More determination and discipline in your health. Your old coping mechanisms will begin to fall by the wayside and the pounds will begin to fall off. It’s a beautiful correlation. 🙂
In fact, I’d love to hear what comes up for you and what ways you’ve found to begin bringing joy back into you life. Share in the comments below, or connect with me further in my free private community on Facebook, Worthy To Be Me. I’d love to have you there and hear from you during your #joyjourney.
~Dr. Melody
P.S. Because I feel so strongly about wanting you to get the joy back in your life AND I know and believe in the power of journaling to facilitate that process,I’m running a 14 day journaling workshop called Journaling into Joy. We kick off Thursday, Nov. 10th until the 24th. The day before Thanksgiving.
What a perfect time of year to really feel joy in your life. Not have to “fake it” because we’re all “supposed” to be happy this time of year…I want it to be REAL for you. Learn more here. Only a few days left to join!
Discipline. Not a word we typically like. It conjures negative thoughts like hard work, time and effort, inconvenience, struggle.
But it is the key to your success.
Which successes, you ask? EVERY success.
And I’m learning this the hard way, believe me. But at least I’m learning. 😉
There are two things you need to have and embody in order to achieve your goals. And by goals, I mean ANY goal. Any dream. Any desire. Any pursuit. Any thing you’d like to create, be or have.
I’ve already given the first away: Discipline.
Can you guess the other? Take a second before you read on and truly think what other characteristic you think it could be….time? talent? knowledge? luck?
Consistency.
Discipline + Consistency = SUCCESS!
What I’ve found to be true in my life and the life of each of my patient’s a clients is that without these two components, success is only partly realized. They MUST go together.
“But they’re hard!” I know. Give yourself permission to throw a pity party for a second, then face the facts and own up to it. How do you stack up in these two areas right now?
>> Where are you practicing them well, and where do you need to improve?
It’s only when you’re able to do take stock in your own life and habits, and examine where change needs to take place–then begin implementing it–before you will ever see things change and fully achieve your goals.
I’ve realized for myself, being an entrepreneur and business owner for the past 5 years, that when I’ve made great strides and achieved great things in my personal and professional life, I’ve had both of these going at the same time. But when I allow one or both to slack off, they’re no longer in balance and the only thing that suffers is my results! My success. My satisfaction of reaping the rewards.
So why do we do it? Why do we not discipline ourselves enough to be consistent to the end?
So many reasons actually. But one of the big ones is self-sabotage. We’re wired innately in our brains for fight or flight –> survival. So as we’ve advanced in our society and no longer need to run and hunt wild animals or scavenge for food and resources, the instincts and wiring still remains. So now it tries to protect us from other “perceived threats” such as success, public exposure, visibility, even joy and true happiness. Because in the subconscious mind’s eye these things each bring with them the unknown.
And unknown = bad.
So fear sets in. Doubt. Self-limiting beliefs. Negative self talk. All kinds of creative ways the mind tries to thwart your efforts. Because you are daring to enter the unknown! How dare you! How risky and dangerous!
But let’s open our eyes to understanding our wiring, and that it no longer needs to protect us. We can reassure our mind that we are knowingly entering in to uncharted territory. We can tell our brain that it’s ok and that it’s protection strategies are actually hindering, not helping.
When you begin to speak to yourself–audibly, through writing and silently in your mind–you chip away at the fear. The limitations. The lies that say you don’t know what you are doing. And even if you really don’t know what you are doing, you can reassure your mind that you are moving forward intentionally anyway.
Sometimes we just need to have a heart to heart with ourselves!
I encourage you today to begin the “inner work.” The work on self. The work that in the end will unlock all of your potential, your dreams, your goals will be realized and your soul will be set free.
But you have to put in the time…consistently. You have to work toward your goals…consistently. You have to move past the fear…consistently. You have to have a dedicated and disciplined mindset. You have to put the systems and strategies in place to allow discipline to become second nature.
If you’re confused about your lack of progress or you’ve tried and failed too many times to count, I guarantee you it was because either (or both) discipline and consistency were lacking or not in balance.
But now that you know the problem, you can make NEXT TIME the right time. And the time after that, and after that, and after that…consistently enough that you will have NO CHOICE but to succeed.
I’m cheering you on!
~Dr. Melody
#DrMelody #healthandhopemotivator #Christcenteredcoaching #youreworthit
P.S. If you’re realizing that where you’ve gone wrong in the past was lack of either of these two key traits and you’re ready to get moving again–this time to achieve a better result–I can help you do that with record speed. Having a coach by your side, helping you see areas you’re missing, to be a sounding board, to be an advocate…that’s what I’m best at. I help my clients succeed. Whether it’s weight loss, healthy lifestyle implementation, personal growth and development and so much more, I can help.
Click here to choose a time of your convenience to chat with me and let’s map out your game plan and chart your success course. <3 The only thing suffering is you. It’s time to take you all the way to the success you’ve been dreaming about. It.is.possible.
My heart broke when I recently heard my friend say she was staying in a toxic and unhappy relationship because she was “so financially tied to him” she “didn’t have a choice.” I was saddened because she felt she had already weighed the pros and cons and wanted to get out, but she felt she had no choice. She was making a conscious choice to be a victim and to not believe in herself that if she left she would be able to support and provide for herself financially. Can you see the self-imposed bondage she is living in?
This article is not to debate the religious world-views of whether or not divorce is considered a sin and is right or wrong. Personally I believe that God wants all of us to experience joy and freedom and love, and if we need to remove ourselves of oppressive situations, I feel that is the liberating and self-loving choice we should make.
The question I’m posing is are you willing to look at yourself through a new perspective to examine if you are in toxic environments that are not helpful physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually for you?
Unfortunately many of us are surrounded by multiple toxic influences on a daily basis, both intentionally and not.
What is the harm of staying around toxic influences?
Whether we choose to admit it or not, these negative energies eat away at the freedom and joy of our Spirit little by little each day. They infiltrate our mind into believing lies about our true value, our self-worth, our abilities and our attainment and worthiness of love and freedom.
They tell us we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not strong enough, not capable enough, not worthy enough, not loveable enough. They stifle our true gifts, passions, callings and talents to a place that doesn’t even recognize them or even believe they exist any more.
They erode and kill your joy.
May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13
How can you know if something or someone is toxic for you?
Examine your feelings – Do you feel a sense of happiness, comfort, love, safety and joy in that situation or around that person? Or do you feel fearful, uneasy, tense, depressed or a whole host of other negative emotions?
>> Our emotions are the best indicator of how our soul feels.
Your soul is alive inside of you and holds the keys to your true purpose, passion and value of who you are and were fully created to be.
After awhile of shunning our soul’s callings and stuffing them down because we don’t think (or we’ve been told) they’re not of value or worth, we begin to get numb to their call. But our emotions give us clues.
How to tap into who you really are. Into what brings you joy and fulfillment.
- I encourage you to make a list of what your soul is calling you to do, be or experience. What are the deeper callings, pursuits, passions, interests, gifts and talents that are unique to you. Not what you think are acceptable or socially appropriate choices. Take any limitations off as you do this activity. See what comes out from the inside. This is your Soul List.
- Next look over this list and write as many things or people that you’re involved with that meet the criteria of exploring, supporting or furthering these things.
- Now write a list of things or people you’re involved with that lead you away from pursuing, living or experiencing items on your Soul List.
Next comes the hard part.
The awareness has now been created. So what are you going to do about it?
It’s once our eyes are opened that we need to make a change, we now have to grapple with what that means. Do we need to exit a relationship? Do we need to change jobs? Do we need to stop participating in a certain social scene or group? Do we need to add or create ways to pursue our dreams? Do we need to take further action to support our health and vitality? If so, what, when, how, where?
Write down the action items that come to mind and start putting them into place as soon as possible!
But I’ll warn you, this is where fear sets in with it’s goal of keeping you in bondage. But don’t give into it. There is FREEDOM on the other side!
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1
Do you realize that once your eyes have been opened and you have allowed your Spirit to find it’s voice again, you then have the choice of freedom or continued slavery and bondage.
Your soul craves freedom and was designed to help you live a beautiful and exciting joy-filled life because it’s expressing who you really are! Do not let the lies, oppression or influence of others dictate who God made you to be.
I pray today that you will step forward in faith, moving in the direction of freedom, even one step at a time, to liberate your soul and let your light shine.
Do not believe the lies that you cannot support yourself if you were to leave, that you do not have value to offer others, that you could not be helpful or of use to someone else, that you are not worthy or deserving of love by anyone else.
YOU have already been given the value, worth and love that the Creator of the Universe bestows upon you, simply because He has created you. Step into that beautiful light, past the fear, over the uncertainty, and towards the beauty, love and joy that God has waiting for you. I’m cheering you on.
~Dr. Melody
P.S. Although I’m not a psychologist, counselor or therapist, I believe in your ultimate good. I am a motivator, encourager and lover of all of God’s beauty and creation–and that includes you!
If you feel you’ve been in self-imposed bondage and you’re ready to end the struggle–ready to claim back your life of joy and beauty–I’ve opened up slots for 4, 6 and 8 weeks coaching packages so I can help be a guiding light to help you find your way. I believe in you and your unlimited potential.
Simply click here to claim an open slot for us to talk and explore how I can help and what options would be the best fit for you. You are loved.
#DrMelody #healthandhopemotivator #christcenteredcoaching #youreworthit
